The Dependency

There are many things in my life that I replay,

In order to calculate the exact moment in which my decisions could have dominoed in to what serves as my life these days.

Everything that anyone could have possibly wanted, I have had:

I’ve travelled,

Explored,

Educated,

Ephiphanised,

Been awed,

And gazed up at the sky,

As I

Watched time stand still.

Yet here I am again in this cyclical process of having to let go,

And in spite of all the turmoil presented in this place,

I can’t help but feel emotional.

What is this need that I feel?

This need that I need,

To serve as a teacher

To the young, while they are yet

To figure out who they are?

Is it because I am yet to figure out who I am?

No,

Who I am, is not important to me anymore–

I’m not of importance,

When learning is for a purpose,

To educate others,

It’s so much more valuable.

Yet

In this place,

I have acquired so much knowledge,

I have understood so much more

About a passion that had always been of secondary importance,

A subject I had happened into,

 The result of my teacher,

Who became a deterrent to my permanence in another organisation I had nestled into…

And so letting go was forced…

What to do now?

What do I depend on now, to help trickle time by?

How do I serve my need to be enveloped in busy-ness?

So I don't become pointless?

Depend on Him,

And surely you will find meaning again.

So here’s to depending on Him,

It’s got me this far.