Wednesday 31 August 2011

Expendable-less?


As our time draws to an end,
Heightened emotions lead us astray,
Unkindness is unanimously felt –

We wonder why we were so in tune in the first place –
The reality is,
It was inevitable,
Only in this place did our footsteps somersault, balanced –
Over there, we are expendable to each other,
She was more optimistic,
The other one not so much –
This one had learnt to accept letting go
It had become a pre requisite for her life.

So as the specs of sand continued to trickle by,
They continued in the idle muteness towards one another,
Reminiscing in silence about the memories made,
And soon the day dragged itself to light,
Companionship turned out to be temporary,
A distraction from the Destination –

But I don’t regret it, Alhumdullilah.

Saturday 27 August 2011

Progress @ 25

Today my lesser me got a hold of the stage,
And began to showcase
All the woes
That were felt
deep
down.


The performance was magnanimous,
A pantomime of heart-ache
With a showcase of events that had transpired,
Leading me to this point of dis-appoint-ment.

Twenty – five drummed as the backbeat of the show,
And I must confess I did not stop me,
From taking the limelight
And staging one heck of a performance!

After all, as I followed the steps of progression in life,
I felt that I was entitled to certain certainties,
As I left school with GCSE’s,
Moving on to the institution
that benchmarked the next stage of progress…
College - A Levels…
University – For a Degree…
School of Education - A PGCE…
I could not help but search worriedly for the next institution that would mark my progress.

Naturally I looked around me,
To my right, to my left...
And the status quo flagged marriage as the next step,
But wait,
The institution of marriage didn’t seem to be enrolling,
At least not for someone of my attributes,
Although knowing fully well the Wisdom in this,
Today I decided not to fight,
And decided to resign and cradle myself on my bedroom floor.

Herein I realised the next institution…
Myself
– Everything had led to this point; this was the ultimate institution –
Which was given the very loaded task of labelling my existence:
Valid and worthy,
Or
Invalid and unworthy –
Unfortunately,
The tools this particular institution would be measuring me against would be:
My hopes and wants,
All of which had been cut and pasted from a series of secular and non-secular places.
[Pause for dramatic effect]

In this way,
Myself told me I was failing,
And being who I am,
Not one likened to take failure as a friend,
I began half-heartedly putting up a fight.

As the deceit of myself continued for several more acts,
(Myself feigning to be the damsel in distress)
I began to realise,
As always,
In spite of the perceived failings,
And the obvious successes
The show must go on –

And so I took back the microphone
Turning myself off,
Yanking my nafs in its rightful place
- off stage

Chanting beautiful reminders,
From Prophets (upon whom all be peace)
Sabr an jameel
(Patience is beautiful)
And Forbearance is the key.

May Allah give us all the strength to not be overpowered by our deceitful nafs’ easily influenced by the was-wasaa of the accursed one.

Advice

In order to move forward we must not forget our past but learn from it. However, if we continue to devour into the emotions that went along with these experiences we will amount to nothing, only a person haunted by dreams and desires left unaccomplished. A zombie, a failure. The reality is, although we may not control much in our lives, we do have the ability to trust. So trust in things worthy of our time. Not people, but ourselves and the belief of the Oneness of everything.

 

No matter the route we take, each journey ultimately leads to the One destination. This is how we can celebrate in our shared dream, a shared destination. So rejoice and relax, basque in the merriment of contentment encircling our hearts, because we trust what we know is the only Reality. Do not pay lip service to that which we know is Divine, obey our shared Covenant and see how miracles somersault in the day-to-day routines of our lives.

 

Love with no boundaries, with no expectations. Let’s expand the capacity in our hearts, so when we finally reach the extent of our fulfilment of humanly desire, we reach the next stage of our ability to Love. Like Bibi Zulieikha (RA), no longer in love with a creation but in complete love with her’s and our Creator.

 

So thank you God Most High, for sadness, pain, trust, miracles, and love. In You we trust, and to You is our journey of return.

Inhale, Exhale

In spite of her better judgement,

She inhaled things that were no good for her.

But how much redundant smoke could she truly inhale?
Sooner
Or later she would need to do its antonym -

Reluctant
Hesitations
Clouded her thoughts,
They mERry-gO-roUndED
Delaying the inevitable.

So why pro-----------------------long what was meant not to be?

She would have to do
What Time had advised her to do,
Reliance on none but Him was what she had ephiphanised-
actualised
Everything else, emotional, physical was transitory...
And so she decided to exhale.

In human relationships one can only find a temporary comfort, it is fleeting, because ultimately we are individuals, and we will have to answer for our own mistakes, individually.

Wednesday 24 August 2011

Jeddah ( Incomplete DRAFT)


by Maimona Khan on Thursday, April 21, 2011 at 2:56pm

In order to understand a people, one must live among them, work with them, eat with them, socialise with them and try one’s utmost not to become like them?

Living in the West, I grew up as a confused child being of Indian origins, with British surroundings, and Islam apparently, as the final cherry on top. I skipped along brainwashed with Bollywood movies, Soft-Rock music, Disney cartoons, American television, Indian food and British education. This was all to go nicely with the side dish of regularly practising prayers that my parents (alhumdullilah) instilled in me. All in all I felt confused, like a cocktail of different ingredients; the Islamic commodity being the most diluted part of the drink.

It was at 17 that I first fully actualised a long-standing identity crisis, it had been there the whole time but as a monotonous hum in the background. Then the age long question of “who am I?" came to surface and I realised the worth of my religion in giving me the answers I was looking for. And from this point onwards I adopted Islam as the core of my existence picking and choosing from it the Wisdom it bestowed upon me in settling the conflicts within my own self.

Being Indian and British were still pieces of my identity, but I chose to identify the core of my being to be Islam, and I got along with life with no real crises in identity since. Although judgement does continue to flicker about my delayed adoption of wearing hijaab. But that is a matter, I am comfortable to say, is between me and my Creator.

It was originally when I travelled to historical Egypt and artificial Dubai, that I had noticed relapse in defining my identity. There was, in these nations’ people an obsession with my ethnicity although I decided to humour them and retort with origins that were in no way my own. Yet still, never in my life have I felt so Indian as to when I decided to move to Jeddah, and live in a Kingdom of Saudi Arabians.

Feeling like an outsider when moving to a different country is hardly an epiphany to come by, especially since the borders of this land are outlined on a different continent altogether. The language was something I wanted to learn, and the religion I wanted to practise with more certitude. Although the latter objective was achieved, amazing what one can achieve in the solitude of one’s own apartment, I hardly think this was because of the land I was in. Albeit the close proximity of the azaan prayer did melodiously call out to my heart, reminding it to acknowledge and witness the existence of God.

So there I was, with my red and pink rucksack, my new Miss Sixty black jacket, enclosed within an abayaa. As I entered the school to which I had come to teach I was greeted with the deliciousness of the oud burning in the atmosphere around me. I had arrived in an Islamic nation, alhumdullilah. As I sat in the Principal’s office I could not help but ponder over the reality of my situation. Needless to say, as a young lady who had not travelled far outside the vicinity of my hometown, before being yo-yoed back to it, a definite long term move was not something I could have imagined being in the cards for me.

Don’t get me wrong, I had not lived a sheltered life, I had come on Umrah just the year before (alhumdullilah), but living outside the geography of the United Kingdom was not something I could have ever imagined. After all, a common saying of mine was and still is Lesta is the besta!

In coming, her trepidations upon entering the room was hardly noticeable, this lady, my new boss, did not walk, but glided, as though she had paid off gravity to allow her this treatment. She was travel size, complete with high platformed space shoes, which no doubt cost more then my whole ensemble put together, groomed to look the part of a very well taken older lady (masha’Allah). We spoke, and our repertoire was really of no great interest, needless to say as I got up to leave for home, she glared at me with her piercing eyes and remarked “So elegant.” Of course at this point in time, exhaustion was my only friend, skyping family until the early hours of the morning meant I was hardly one to enquire about such a random comment.

Saturday 13 August 2011

Achilles Heel

Indeed,
It appears to me,
That we all have our achilles heel,
For some there can be countless,
For others not so many sparkle,
But one shines for all –
unparamounted with others.

They were princesses by birth,
She was a teacher,
He was boi emerging on to adulthood,
They were NRAs, abroad to study,
They were sisters, constrained to certain prerequisites of being part of an upbringing.
All culturally diverse,
Ethnically cocktail-ed up,
Blended with western-ness,
Cherry-ed on top with their individual culture,
Yet they all moved,
Step by
Step
With the same hang UP.
It’s the age all concern,
Nature Versus nurture…
Some can rise above these,
And unlearn the lessons given to them,
By right of birth –

The princesses didn’t know any better,
As they stared to their right,
And then to their left,
They were maturing under conditions befitting to their
Current culture,
And in this ignorance,
Their achilles heel was left,
Un confronted,
Preoccupied by the material satisfaction
And nafs’ alike glistened with the acquisition
Of superficial satisfaction.
Meanwhile…

The teacher decided to displace herself from familiarity,
And on occasional visits home,
Treaded on eggshells among those whom she herself
Had raised, in solace
She shone carefree,
In familial company she was restricted,
But she ensured this was temporary,
And then off she went,
Leaving those she nurtured,
Un-nurtured by what she had felt befitted the occasion.

Then…
There was the boi,
Confused,
Dossing,
Bored,
Perplexed by the trepidations that had led him to this point in his life,
Confuzzled by the lack of prosperity encircling,
In spite of his familial material wealth,
Uninspired by his skills,
Searching for shortcuts,
Then taking rest,
And then not bothering to compete with the name,
That his father had made for himself,
He had a complex which he could not shake off,
He had been raised here, and there,
And in these environments, he somehow learnt lessons
That needed to be unlearnt,
And no matter the good company,
He pulled away,
Clinging to his nurturing as an excuse,
For his current numbed existence.

And then…
There were the NRAs,
Matured in a certain context,
And then driven by familial expectations,
Departed their homes,
Into the hub of what until then,
They had envisioned in transitory holidays,
And of course in streaming movies online.
They had arrived,
In the West,
And out went what their nurturing had nurtured.
Whilst mixing merriment with more
Merriment,
They indulge in indulgences,
And find themselves confuzzled,
When they return home,
To their hub,
Some find religious clarity,
Others continue to live a double life,
With nicknames,
And double fbook profiles,
Nurture being able to access one profile,
And their newby nurture able to access another.

And finally…
There were the sisters,
Driven to succeed in an avenue that they had never felt would be where they would head,
Unmarried, they left familial snares unconfronted,
Cultural cries of the aging maiden circumumbulated their familial home,
Yet in spite of failed attempts of satisfying this concern,
They struggled,
They scattered to different locations, worldwide,
And then reflected,
And then together unlearnt lessons that need not have been learnt,
Religion was the key,
Education was their saviour,
And so they clasped each other’s hands,
And took from their culture only that which helped them,
The rest was left to spirituality,
They found in he who was known in the eleventh century
As the Proof of Islam.

In this way,
Each story shows how we are all haunted by the same,
A shared achilles heel,
And the challenges we face,
Ridding ourselves of things we need not learn,
And taking caution in shaping ourselves,
Fashioning us to reflect the goodness befitting us as creations of the One and Only.

Monday 8 August 2011

The Street Fighter Effect






The phone rang

It was him.
Urging her to define what to him did not need defining, a month earlier.

Pause II

It was April 9th,
It had been just like her dream had foretold.
She came home,
And he was not there.
Sure he reassured her that his holiday was completely unrelated,
But there in itself was a banner,
Clearly stating, what so many had concluded.
As she boarded the aeroplane,
A realisation dawned on her,
Her heart yearned in agony,
Begging the question:
Could she love him?

FWD >
He had showed his kindness
To those who she held dear,
Could this mean he was right for her?
But hang on --------------------------------
There had been an absence in news from him,
Clearly he did not feel the same.
She conceded defeat on this matter,
And in only quite moments alone, she contemplated contemplations
 about him.

PLAY >

May 9th –
The desperation in his voice reassured her,
Endeared him to her once again,
So many confidants had told her to ignore these nightly calls,
But she couldn’t,
She was happy to be there for him –
And therefore gave him what he wanted.
They were together again.

FFWD >>

June 13th –
He appeared with flowers,
Reassuring his affection,
Cementing hers.
But then,
The most amazing thing transpired,
Or didn’t,
His affections became fainter,
And fainter,
As she scurried to find comfort in instances of kindness and –
Care,
She couldn’t.
Her gigantic eyes swelled up,
She would have to let go,
But she muted these obvious concerns,
And resided to being there.

FWD >>
He continued in his “woe to me attitude”,
Paying little regard to her,
Only wanting to preoccupy his bored existence,
Spitting unkindness,
Judgements,
And so she finally ended Round 2,
She being the one,
Knocking him out!

FWD >>

Ten days of aching,
Knowing that she had been the one,
For all this heartache,
She did what was inclined to her gender,
She bended,
And re-established contact.
It lasted 3 weeks,
When the phone rang once again,
“I really really like you…”
I should bloody well hope so –
“But there’s no future.”
Huh?!
“I could be wrong.”
@$*!
And there it was,
Round 3,
She was KO-ed.
There were no more rounds left.
These two players,
Had nothing left to fight for,
And so they didn’t.