Dates

Twas the beginning of something new,
With old hang-ups,
But new surroundings,
These dates that pass me by,
Mark mistakes made,
Lessons learnt,
Same mistakes twice,
Thrice,
When will these consecutive errors cease to exist?
Do I cut them out?
The people associated with them?
When will this mummified guilt leave me?
When will this introspective nature surpass –
And finally leave me unhaunted?

I circumumbulated the Ka’aba when it was quiet,
I circumumbulated the Ka’aba when it was busy,
I climbed Mount Uhud,
I performed Umrah,
I prostrated in Rawdah,
I prayed here,
I prayed there –

Yet the daunting failures in my own character leaves me wanting to escape,
Running away appears to be the best solution,
It’s too messed up,
The prospect of returning,
I would rather start over again,
With unknown surroundings,
Unknown people,
So long as I can breath the freshness of solace,
And enjoy the beauty of my surroundings,
And exhale the distraction and comfort in smoke,
I’ll be fine.

Crossroads currently mark these dates in my life,
With uncertainty encircling,
And unsettling fear,
Will I fall back entrapped?

Hmm.